July has been one important month to me since the accident I had started as the most historical day happened in the month. I got burn, bullied verbally and physically by my closest classmates. It was the suckest moment in life I don’t wanna remember at that time. After such accident that turned my whole life upside down, having to accept that the burnt left scars in my body and my mentality going on such trial to survive the bullying. Two years of the hardest time in my life I had been through. While the last year of elementary school I got to witness the people who did bad things to me screwing up their life one by one. No need to make my hands dirty, God showed me His great plans and I trully felt grateful.
Being a human being with desire and emotions sometimes turning me into a not so grateful person, grieving for the scars me not hoping to have and the What If I always say to myself. What If I didn’t get into accident, what if I still have my previous style and not wearing the nowadays clothes, What If I can chase the dreams I always wanted since I don’t get myself ruined, and all sort of what If I have in my life. When I look back again, I feel grateful again of what hard things I’ve been through. At least I am good and living a good life.
I have clothes to wear, a room to sleep in, a job to fill my pocket, and friends to share my days with, parents to come back to. Oh dear life I’m so grateful of still be a part of you and still be fine of standing still for myself nowadays.
Sometimes I forget to be grateful
Sometimes I still wish the things to be better for the ruined plans
Sometimes I still unable to accept the fact that I am not what I always wanted
Sometimes I get jealous of others life that they dont get ruined
Sometimes I wonder why it has to be me
Sometimes I even get scared to open up wholeheartedly to people
Sometimes I wonder If I ever will get married If I’m still not being a whole of me
Sometimes I still have my grieving for the things I didn’t get the chance to do
Sometimes this and sometimes that
For all the things happened in the past I no longer want to hold grudges
I want a peace of mind and life to have
I want to reconcile more with my past
Happy commemorating another year of remembering dear Anggi
Please always be happy ~